Developmental Arrest. Growing UP.
If you have gone through any sort of trauma as a child, teen and/or as an adult, more than likely you have or are suffering from what is called arrested development. From the outside, others might judge you and call you immature; however, if they knew your back story they might realize that you could be stuck in developmental arrest. Typically, if you are suffering from arrested development, you cannot see or help yourself from staying locked into a certain developmental age. A few of the reasons for this are because it feels safe, you have not had the self awareness to see ‘it’ or the motivation to move beyond where you are inescapably held too. In addition, even if you recognize that you are stuck you still might not be able to help yourself. You might need someone to guide you and/or show you how and where to grow up.
The reason to move beyond a developmental lock down is to evolve and access your full potential by meeting life with a complimentary mental, emotional and spiritual state of being. In addition, it is hard to meet the demands of adulthood when you have the emotional response of a child or a teen to adult situations. Furthermore, the perception of being 30 when you are 50 or 12 when you are 18 can keep you feeling safe on one hand and completely terrified on the other. Especially, when you try to understand how you will start to catch up. As mentioned, by moving past the developmental arrest this will assist you in reaching a higher state of being and maintaining a balanced way of life.
The first step is to simply ask yourself how old do you think you are? (Forget how old you really are) If your response is more than a few years of your actual age this is an indicator that you are locked into the age you think you are and could be experiencing development arrest.
The second step is to ask yourself if you feel certain periods between that age you think you are and your current age are fuzzy. Meaning you spent most of the those years between there and here, coping with the trauma or a major life change that you really do not understand what happened to all those years. Life seemed fuzzy and so do the memories.
The third step is to decide if you are ready to Grow UP.
The fourth step is to find someone to help you through the process or to potentially start the process on your own.
The fifth step is to have compassion and humility for self. It is important to remember you are not alone. You have an opportunity to respond with a new state of awareness and rite action. (Rite action is an action that benefits your well being and those around you).
Finally, here are few additional indicators and practices that can assist you in breaking out of the developmental prison you have been held in. Remember that no one is to blame, including you. The result of all our states of being in this moment are a direct result of cause and effect coupled with our collective evolutionary state of being.
Ideas From Psychology Today (*modified with non-dualistic language by Suzanne Toro):
1.”Keep your promises and agreements.”
2.”Finish what you begin.”
3.”Maintain what’s in harmony and will support your well being.”*
4.”Meet your ‘perceived*’ problems head on.”
5.”Tell the truth about what is really going on.”
6.”Use good judgment to ‘resist habits that do not support your well being*’.”
7.”Own your choices so you can learn and evolve from your life’s circumstances*.”
8.“Learn to choose between actions that will support your well being and ones that will not.*”
9.”Admit hard feelings and talk them out.”
10.”Don’t betray what you truly believe in or you will betray yourself.”
It takes a commitment to do your own inner work and meet the practice daily. I encourage you to really take time to evaluate where you are ready to grow up. Pick one area and start to strengthen your inner and outer being there. If you meet it daily, you will be surprised at what you will access internally and externally. It will be a humbling process and simply put it is a journey the only you can travel and complete for you. As inspired, ask yourself are you ready to “GROW UP”?
References: Psychology Today, Arrested Development
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Emotional responses are an indicator to the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual being how you are feeling about the present moment. In addition, your emotions help you understand what conditions build, sustain and/or deplete your well being.
When, you feel an emotion rising from within, each one is filled with a positive charge of energy (nourishes your well being), negative charge of energy (depletes your well being) or a neutral (there is no charge). Your feelings indicate what nourishes your well being, where you need to take action, where you need to examine self (which follows with the need to heal/transform), where you need to come back into harmony, where you are holding back, and/or out of balance. Extreme emotional responses are a push from the inner being to come into harmony…these emotions will be expressed through excessive anger, laughter, crying, anxiety, sadness, grief, worry, doubt, righteousness and over compensation with the mask of ‘Pretending to BE HAPPY’. (Read More Click Here)
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Then, welcome remembering your natural state of being…harmony and bliss. At this juncture you will naturally come from a place of service from moment to moment. When you are in harmony you are not making any effort, you will be at ease. You do not have to consciously by “mindful” because it will ‘BE’ your natural state of being. Furthermore, you will be objectively aware of how our thoughts, words and actions will potentially intersect each moment and what the true nature of cause and effect. When in this state of being, it is no longer just about you.
I share this because I had a beautiful experience yesterday teaching yoga to a group of individuals transforming their relationship to eating and self. One of the students shared her discomfort with her body and how difficult it was to participate or even watch me teach her. We talked through what this meant for her, she shared how uncomfortable she was in her body. Which is common side effect of an eating disorder. Rather than just pacifying her with a pep talk and ask her to try the class as I had planned, I asked her to share the postures that she is comfortable with. After some contemplation, she came up with child’s pose, prone posture and corpse. A (3) posture class. We went deep moving from child’s pose to prone and then they rolled over and they received sound in corpse. By moving through this class slowly the magic of a posture and the breath opened the students up to physical, emotional, spiritual and mental releases. This student cried for the first time and was able to experience yoga. As I share with all my yoga students, the asana (postures) are only one limb of yoga and they are what prepares the mind, body, heart and soul for meditation. In addition, I share the entire purpose of yoga is to welcome self into meditation while in corpse pose. When you master corpse you have mastered yoga. While, it is incredible to see what the human body will do and how supple the body can ‘BE’…no amount of “doing” will bring you to meditative repose. Furthermore, yoga was never intended to be an activity to show off your body…you will sense that yoga is starting to crack you open when the ‘I’ retires with the your senses and your inner ethics rise ‘UP’. The grasping starts to fall away and the mind with the heart are clear and open. Humility…is what ultimately leads you to this union (yoga) with self. READ MORE (CLICK HERE)
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